CONFLICT RESOLUTION: UNEVEN BALANCE OF POWER

From the conflict in John 8:2-11 when the Pharisees and scribes brought a woman caught committing adultery to Jesus, we can learn how to resolve conflicts when there is an uneven balance of power between the conflicting parties.

The balance of human power in this conflict was leaning strongly in favour of the Pharisees and scribes as they were influential men in the society.

Jesus also had some authority for a crowd had already gathered to listen to His teaching.

The woman on the other hand, had been rendered powerless and worthy only of death by virtue of her unvirtuous crime. She was not even addressed by her name for the Pharisees referred to her as “This woman” and later as “Such” when they said, “Such should be stoned”.

If you find yourself embroiled in or mediating a conflict where there is an uneven balance of power, do not let yourself be manipulated either overtly or covertly by the parties that are stronger numerically, monetarily or politically.

Learn to sidestep manipulation and be fair to all the parties just like Jesus so that you can resolve tricky conflicts effectively and increase the peace in your home, the productivity of your ministry and the profitability of your business.  

Adapted from Resolving Conflicts just like Jesus Christ by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2010 For more information click here.

Have you ever resolved a tricky conflict where there was an uneven balance of power?

Christian Stress Management

HOW TO OVERCOME DRUG ADDICTION

The effects of using cannabinoids e.g. marijuana include  red eyes, impaired thinking and reduced concentration.

The effects of using inhalants e.g. glue include nose bleeding, confusion and permanent brain damage.

The effects of using stimulants e.g. cocaine include high blood pressure, convulsions and paranoia.

The effects of using depressants e.g. barbiturates include drowsiness, poor coordination and coma.

The effects of using narcotics e.g. morphine include drowsiness, depressed breathing and death.

The effects of using hallucinogens e.g. lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) include trembling, visual illusions and panic attacks.

The effects of using dissociative anesthetics  e.g. phencyclidine PCP include aggressiveness, disorganized thinking and impaired coordination.

The effects of using club drugs e.g. Ecstasy include euphoria.

To break free from drug addiction, remember the mnemonic STOP

S Set a date to stop.

T Think about why you want to stop using the drugs and write down your reasons. 

Always carry the paper with you and refer to it when you are tempted to use the drugs.

O Omit people and places that encourage you to use the drugs from your diary.

P Put obstacles between you and using the drugs.

Adapted from Managing Stress for Teens by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2009. For more information click here.

Stress Management Thursday: What is your most effective strategy for overcoming drug addiction? 

Christian Stress Management

THE WEAPONS OF OUR SPIRITUAL WARFARE

The armor of God is made up SWORD WORDS and the other weapons of our warfare which are truth, righteousness, the Gospel, faith and salvation.

This armor confers a protective covering over our inner man as we fight the devil and his agents. It protects us so that we don’t fall for his charming ruses or fall because of his devious cunningness. This armor enables us to resist and survive satan’s onslaughts for we to instructed to Put on the whole armor of God, that we may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. (Ephesians 6:11)

Understand also that even though these weapons of our warfare are not carnal (2 Corinthians 10:4) or physically tangible weapons, they are effective in the physical and spiritual realms. They are able to change physical conditions such as heal diseases and avail employment and business opportunities.

They are also able to change spiritual conditions in Pulling down strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4) and delivering us from the bondage of addictions and whatever else from the devil that has a strong hold on our lives.

Therefore, fight your spiritual battles with all the weapons that God has availed for us to use, that is SWORD WORDS, the truth, righteousness, salvation and faith with which we will be able to snuff out all the fiery darts fired by the devil. (Ephesians 6:14-17)

Adapted from SWORD WORDS by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2008. For more info click here.

SWORD WORD Wednesday: Have you used SWORD WORDS to successful fight a stressor?

DO NOT PROCRASTINATE

The Bible instructs us not to procrastinate and tell people to come back later for what they came for if we have it and can give it to them there and then. (Proverbs 3:28)

Therefore, do not postpone issues for procrastination increases stress by increasing your future workload, wasting your time and making you dread the future when you will have to deal with the problems that you are postponing.

Get in the habit of solving problems promptly instead of forwarding them to the future. Deal with stressors as soon as they arise and if there is nothing you can do about them, promptly forward them to the Lord in prayer and delete them from your mind forever.

If you are a chronic procrastinator, identify what makes you postpone problems so that you can begin doing what you need to do today to solve your problems and resolve your stressful situations for in so doing, you will be able to relax and improve the lives of those depending on you.

Adapted from Rules of Relaxation by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2007. For more information click here.

Relaxation Tuesday: How did you overcome procrastination?

RETREAT TO A SOLITARY PLACE OR A SOLITARY SPACE

When you are going through a stressful situation and the world is bombarding you with problems left, right and center, you have to regularly retreat to a solitary place where you can pray and be alone with God.

Schedule a time and designate a place where you can physically distance yourself from your stressors at least once each day so that you can build yourself up through prayer and reading your Bible as this will enable you to face and deal with your stressors more effectively.

You can do this every morning by retreating to your private refuge whether it is a closed bedroom or office or church and spending even just 5 minutes communing with the Lord. Honor this sacred appointment just as you would honor any other important meeting and keep it free from interruptions.

If you are not able to physically distance yourself from your stressors by going to a solitary place, retreat into a solitary space in your mind. Retreat within to calm yourself so that you can respond to the stressful situation appropriately. You can withdraw mentally and momentarily during a disagreement or as you commute to your stressful job by tuning out the world and tuning in to God in prayer so that you can center yourself and deal with your stressors efficiently.

Adapted from Managing Stress with the Word of God by Dr. Miriam Kinai (C) 2006. For more information click here. 

Managing Stress Monday: Do you regularly retreat to a solitary place or to a solitary space?  

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: TIGHT-LIPPED CONFLICTOR

From the conflict in John 8:2-11 when the Pharisees and scribes brought a woman caught committing adultery to Jesus, we can learn how to resolve conflicts when one of the conflicting parties does not speak verbally even though talking is very important for conflict resolution.

We can see that the woman did not say a word until after Jesus had resolved the conflict and the Pharisees and scribes had left. This may have been because of her unadulterated shame or the shock of being caught in the act of adultery.

Being dragged to the Temple to be prosecuted by powerful Pharisees in front of the crowd that was being taught by Jesus could have also intimidated her into speechlessness.

In the conflicts you may be embroiled in or asked to mediate, you may find that one party may decide to remain silent as they seethe in anger or they may refrain from speaking in an attempt to punish the other parties for hurting their feelings. Frustration can also mute them if they think their needs won’t be met whether they verbalize them or not.

Whatever their reason, understand that even if they do not utter a word, they still talk nonverbally.

When Jesus stooped down to write on the ground, He could have been listening to what the woman was saying without words.

So, learn to study the other party's body language for silent clues to their thoughts and feelings so that you can resolve tricky conflicts effectively and increase the peace in your home, the productivity of your ministry and the profitability of your business..  

Adapted from Resolving Conflicts just like Jesus Christ by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2010 For more information click here.

Have you ever resolved a tricky conflict where one of the parties did not utter a word?

HOW TO STOP SMOKING CIGARETTES

The effects of smoking cigarettes include:

zCancer of the throat

zCancer of the larynx

zCancer of the lungs

zCancer of the bladder

zCough

zHeart attacks

zStomach ulcers

zPremature wrinkles

zStained teeth

zSmall babies 

To break free from the addiction  of smoking cigarettes, remember the mnemonic STOP

S Set a date to stop.

T Think about why you want to overcome the addiction and write down your reasons. 

Always carry the paper with you and refer to it when you are tempted to smoke cigarettes.

O Omit people and places that encourage you to smoke cigarettes from your diary.

P Put obstacles between you and smoking cigarettes.

  

Adapted from Managing Stress for Teens by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2009. For more information click here.

Stress Management Thursday: What is your most effective smoking cessation tip?

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Adopting an attitude of gratitude will help you relax even in the middle of stressful situations.

This is because it helps you remember all the great things that God has done for you in the past and these memories serve as proof that He is still able to do other great things for you in your present stressful situation and also in you unknown future for He is still the same great God.

Therefore, count your blessings everyday instead of counting your hassles.

Each morning write down at least 3 things that you are grateful for. Keep your gratitude list in a safe place so that when the going gets tough, you can read it for encouragement.

Emulate David and etch your gratitude list on your mind for when he faced Goliath, he recalled and declared before all that The Lord who had delivered him from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear would also deliver him from the hand of Goliath. (1 Samuel 17:37)

This awesome memory and testimony enabled him to face and fight Goliath fearlessly. Therefore etch your gratitude list on your mind so that you can carry it with you wherever you go and you will be able to work your way through any stressful situation with greater ease.

Adapted from Rules of Relaxation by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2007. For more information click here.

Relaxation Tuesday: What is your favorite relaxation technique?

CONSULT GOD BEFORE CONSULTING FRIENDS

Whenever you find yourself in a stressful situation, always consult God before you consult your family and friends. Seek His recommendations before you seek those of experts and specialists for people are not able to see the entire picture of your stressful situation as clearly and as completely as God can see it from His Heavenly perspective.

Learn from Job whose friends thought God was punishing him because of his sinfulness when he was faced with his stressful situation. Their advice was therefore based on their understanding (or rather misunderstanding) for nothing could have been further from the truth than that for in God’s own words, Job was a man who feared Him, was blameless, upright and shunned evil. (Job 1:8)

The same could be true for you as your family and friends look at your stressful situation and interpret it according to their experiences, insight and character. Their appraisal and advice therefore may be completely correct or fully flawed or thoroughly muddled.

Therefore, seek God’s advice first for He knows everything about your situation including the person who can best help you.

Adapted from Managing Stress with the Word of God by Dr. Miriam Kinai (C) 2006 For more info click here. 

Managing Stress Monday: Have you received wrong advice from well meaning people based on their misunderstanding of your stressful situation?  

OVERCOMING ALCOHOLISM

The effects of drinking alcohol on the body include:

1. Liver cirrhosis, cancer and pancreatitis

2. Slurred speech, blurred vision and staggering gait 

3. Withdrawal symptoms like sweating, morning shakes and convulsions  

The effects of drinking alcohol on the emotions include:

1. Increased irritability and crying

2. Anger and a propensity for violence

3. Suicide and injuries from attempted suicide especially in stressed or depressed teens

The effects of drinking alcohol on the mind include:

1. Confusion, impaired memory and hallucinations

2. Poor coordination and slow reaction times causing deaths and disabilities by drunk drivers

3. Impaired judgment leading to fornication or rape which may result in sexually transmitted diseases, unplanned pregnancies and babies with birth defects

Biblical effects for those who linger for long with wine and those who go in search of mixed drinks include:

1. Woe, sorrow and wounds without cause

2. Redness of eyes and seeing strange things

3. Contentions, complaints and uttering perverse things

Therefore, do not gaze at the red wine as it sparkles and swirls in the crystal goblet for once sipped it snips like a serpent. (Provebs 23:29-35) Abstain from drinking wines, beers, traditional brews, spirits and all other alcoholic drinks because they will drown you in problems rather than drown your problems. 

To break free from the addiction of drinking alcohol, remember the mnemonic STOP

S Set a date to stop.

T Think about why you want to stop drinking alcohol and write down your reasons. 

Always carry the paper with you and refer to it when you are tempted to drink alcohol.

O Omit people and places that encourage you to drink alcohol from your diary.

P Put obstacles between you and drinking alcohol.

  

Adapted from Managing Stress for Teens by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2009. For more information click here.

Stress Management Thursday: What is the most effective strategy for overcoming alcoholism? 

5 TOP REASON TO USE SWORD WORDS FOR SPIRITUAL WARFARE

SWORD WORDS are power filled WORDS from the Word of God that you can use as SWORDS to fight your spiritual battles because The sword of the Spirit … is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17)

The top 5 reasons why you should use SWORD WORDS as your weapons of choice for fighting wicked spiritual forces when you are engaged in spiritual warfare are:

1. SWORD WORDS are lethal weapons because they are Sharper than any two-edged sword. (Hebrews 4:12)

2. SWORD WORDS are as effective as live ammunition because The word of God is quick and powerful. (Hebrews 4:12).

3. SWORD WORDS can break anything from the devil that has a strong hold on you and keeps you in bondage for they are effective in Pulling down of strong holds. (2 Corinthians 10:4)

4. SWORD WORDS can right wrong thinking and correct false teaching for they are effective in Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5)

5. SWORD WORDS are very potent and they can penetrate your entire being to fight the enemy wherever he may be attacking you and bring you physical, mental, emotional and spiritual victory as they are able to Piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow. (Hebrews 4:12)

Therefore, go through your Bible and find the SWORD WORDS you need to use to fight your stressors.

Adapted from SWORD WORDS by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2008. For more info click here.

SWORD WORD Wednesday: Have you used SWORD WORDS to successful fight a stressor?

BREATHE DEEPLY: EXHALE AND RELAX

Abdominal breathing is a very simple but effective relaxation technique.

It involves taking a deep breath through your nose until you feel your abdomen rising and then exhaling completely until your abdomen falls.

Take several deep breaths and you will begin to feel relaxed as it slows your racing heart and calms your raging emotions enabling you to think clearly and perform efficiently under pressure.

Abdominal breathing is also a very convenient relaxation technique as it is discrete and can be done anywhere.

Therefore breathe deeply in deep traffic jams or when facing deadlines or dead in the middle of disagreements.

I believe that part of the reason that exercising and crying and laughing help people who are stressed feel better is because they all involve deep abdominal breathing therefore take deep breaths wherever and whenever stress strikes.

Adapted from Rules of Relaxation by Dr. Miriam Kinai © 2007. For more information click here.

Relaxation Tuesday: What is your favorite relaxation technique?

SEEK THE LORD IN AN EMERGENCY

The first thing that you should do when you are faced by any stressful situation, even if it is an emergency, is to seek the Lord and inquire from Him what you should do about it. Pray and ask Him to fill you with the wisdom and understanding that His Spirit gives so that you may know the right thing to do regardless of whether your stressful situation is due to your health failing, your family fighting or your finances floundering.

Seek the Lord first and don’t be wise in your own eyes and imagine that you know it all. (Proverbs 3:7) Learn from King Jehoshaphat who first sought the Lord’s direction when they were attacked by several armies including those of the Moabites and Ammonites. He did not first order his army to prepare for war even though one of their cities had already being captured. He first sought the Lord to find out what they were to do about their urgent stressful situation. (2 Chronicles 20:1-4)

Therefore, do not rush to make any decision, speak hastily or hurry to do whatever you think may be the right thing to do at that particular time. Call on the Lord first for He urges us to call Him and He will answer us and reveal to us things we could never have figured out on our own. (Jeremiah 33:3) So call Him even in an emergency for those fresh insights will enable you to make more constructive decisions.

Adapted from Managing Stress with the Word of God by Dr. Miriam Kinai (C) 2006. For more info click here.

Managing Stress Monday: Have you ever called on the Lord in an emergency and received timely insights?

CHRISTIAN STRESS MANAGEMENT

Consulting God is the first step of Christian stress management. Prayerfully seek His advice for He urges you to call on Him and He will show you great things which you did not know (Jeremiah 33:3) and these insights will help you discern the right course of action.

The second step of Christian stress management is opening your heart and life to Christ. He is knocking on your heart’s door (Revelation 3:20) so invite Him in so that He can help you manage your present stressful situation and unknown future.

Trusting Jesus is the third step of Christian stress management. It is a crucial step because it frees your mind from the oppression of worry enabling you to have peace of mind. So put all your trust in Jesus even if people have betrayed you for God is not a man that He should lie to you (Numbers 23:19).  

The fourth step of Christian stress management is renewing your mind with the Word of God. Read your Bible everyday and meditate on positive Scriptures to neutralize the negative thoughts that may be lurking in your mind so that you can know God’s perfect will for you in your situation. (Romans 12:2)

After transforming yourself by overhauling your mind with positive Scriptures, the fifth step of Christian stress management is positioning yourself. This means placing yourself in the most advantageous place and doing the best that you can with your limited resources. Learn from the beggar in Acts 3 who was positioned daily at the Temple gate called Beautiful to ask for alms and find your own Beautiful strategic place to work from.

The sixth step of Christian stress management is resting in the Lord and waiting patiently for Him (Psalm 37:7) to do for you what you cannot do for yourself as you continue working from your Beautiful strategic position.  As you wait on Him incorporate medically proven relaxation techniques into your lifestyle to reduce your chances of developing stress related illnesses. You can start with abdominal breathing as it is the easiest way to counter the body’s stress response. To do this, lie down and take a deep breath through your nose until you feel your abdomen rising and then exhale completely until it falls. Repeat several times and you will begin to relax.

In addition, eat a balanced diet and restrict your caffeine intake from coffee, tea and medication as it can aggravate the nervousness, palpitations, and sleeplessness you may already be experiencing as a result of your stressful situation.    

The seventh and final step of Christian stress management is obeying God when He shows you what you should do to manage your stressful situation definitively. Learn from the widow in 2 Kings 4 and obey His instructions even if you don’t understand how they will resolve your stressful situation for she obeyed the man of God Elisha and borrowed as he had instructed her even though she was already drowning in debt and her obedience enabled her rise above her financial crisis.

Adapted from Managing Stress with the Word of God by Dr Miriam Kinai © 2006. For more info click here.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

Forgive the people who are stressing you so that you can reduce the tension in your life. Forgive those who have hurt you so that you can stop hurting and heal. Refer them to God in prayer so that you can release them from your mind and unbind the the bitterness that has been tethering them to your heart.

Forgive and let them go for you cannot move forward with your life if you are still bogged down by betrayals from way back and distant disappointments. Forgive them so that you can leave past pains in your past, where they belong, as you cannot change the past.

Forgive and then forgetting those things which are behind, reach forward to those which are ahead (Philippians 3:13) so that you can move forward into your future unencumbered.

If the wounds they inflicted on you is still sore and raw, ask God to put His healing Balm on them. If you need to see justice done, forgive them so that you can pursue the case objectively. If earthly justice is denied or cannot be attained, appeal to the High Court in Heaven for God is a God of Justice and He will balance the scales of justice on your behalf.


Adapted from Rules of Relaxation by Dr. Miriam Kinai (C) 2007.


Relaxation Tuesday: Have you ever relaxed after you released those who had hurt you? 


Christian Stress Management

SUNDAY, THE HOLY DAY AND HOLIDAY TO MANAGE STRESS

In Exodus 20: 8-11 God tells us:
1. To remember the Sabbath
2. To keep it holy
3. To rest from work

Therefore, make Sunday a holy day.
Dedicate Sunday to God and make it sacred by going to church in the morning and engaging in restful activities in the afternoon and you will be obeying God's commandment as well as recovering from the detrimental effects of the past work week's stress.

In addition, make your Sunday a work holiday .
Slow down on Sundays and don't run around trying to complete office work or housework. Take a breather from the demands and obligations of your job or business for even God Himself rested on the 7th day after working for 6 days.

If you have a heavy workload, work hard during the week, so that you can rest softly on the weekend. If you must work on Sundays, then dedicate another day to the Lord as your holy day and holiday so that He may renew your spirit.

Note also that God says that this weekly holy day and holiday should be for your sons and daughters, male and female servants, your cattle and any stranger within your gates. Therefore, as you rest and recover, let your your children, employees, income generating animals such as dairy cattle and visitors living in your house also rest.

As a result, you will notice increased profit margins due to the abundant Deuteronomy 28 blessings for obeying God, increase productivity and less sick offs from well rested workers.


Adapted from Rules of Relaxation by Dr. Miriam Kinai (C) 2007. For more info click here.